More Old Stuff

Like I  mentioned in the last post, I'm cleaning my classroom.  Just today I found a bell schedule from 2007 in my podium.  I recycled it.  The good news for you is that I'm finding more old English Class Moments of Awesomeness.  Enjoy!

From spring 2011:
(These were near the top of a pile of papers.)

Honors English II while reading Julius Caesar:

Student 1: "It's in the 1700s!" (On why Brutus and Caesar wouldn't have played Wii together.)

Student: "When is Caesar's birthday?  Is it July?"
Havig: "I don't know."
Student: "Because he totally seems like a Leo."

Still Honors English II, but a more random conversation:
Student: "There's nothing wrong with animal nudity!"
On Mickey Mouse's and Donald Duck's partial nudity in a conversation of the incompatibilities and questions that SpongeBob SquarePants raises. 

More Honors English II:
(If you don't know this yet, my partner gave birth to our daughter, Abby, in September, 2010.  I may have talked about my kiddo off and on with my students.)

Student 1: "You haven't told a baby story in a long time."
Student 2 (singing to a Justin Bieber song): "Baby, baby, baby story."
Student 3: "No Justin Bieber. Ever."

That's it for this round.  I have some gems from the spring of 2009 to share with you including the infamous "water cage" moment.

Stuff from Years Gone By

I'm cleaning my classroom.  No, I'm REALLY cleaning my classroom.  I came across an attendance roster from March, 2011 with some MOA scribbled on them. 

Here they are:

As the ASB Advisor, I help the ASB students organize events including Mr. Prairie.  In previous years, Mr. Prairie has utilized young girls (ages 4-8ish) to act as escorts for the high school guy contestants.  Yes, the little girls are really adorable all dressed up in fancy dresses.  And yes, the notion creeps me out.  The kids were deciding if they wanted to use the young girls once again, and they kept referring to them as "little girl escorts."

Havig: "Can we not call them little girl escorts?  It just doesn't sound right."
Student 1:  "What's wrong with it?"
Havig:  "Doesn't it sound a little disturbing to you to call them little girl escorts?"
Student 2:  "No, our minds aren't polluted like that."


Reading a little Julius Caesar in Honors English II, and we were talking about Caesar's full name.

Student 1:  "So his real name was Gaius?"
Havig:  "Gaius. G-a-i-u-s, I think."
Student 2:  "Gaius?  How embarrassing.  It's like Gary.  No one wants that name."

December 2009-ish

Here are some moments that made it into the notebook from the school year before last.  Enjoy!

Honors English II:
Student: "I'm going to marry Lady Gaga, and we're going to have beautiful babies."
Havig: "Isn't she a bit old for you?"
Student: "Maybe she's a cougar, and when I'm 18, she'll pounce."

For whatever reason, we were discussing Disney movies and the number of characters who have been orphaned or who have lost one parent. 
Student: "They're not orphans if they have one parent. It would be like half.  They're an orph."

We were working on Paragraph Writing Strategies which involves a lot of note taking.  One of the example paragraphs was information about turtles.
Student: "If a turtle lost its shell, would it be naked or homeless?"
Havig: "Yes."

Creative Writing:
Student 1: "Have you seen the Blue Collar Comedy Tour?"
Havig: shakes head
Student 1: "Well, they have this thing where they use words to make sentences..."
Student 2 interrupting: "Dude, everyone uses words to make sentences."

It's Back!!!

Alright sports fans, people have been hounding me about putting some moments up, and I found my stash from last year.  As in the 2009-2010 school year. 

First I have some from the year before that, so these are my froshies who will actually be seniors next year.

These were from when we were finishing up the year with a little Romeo & Juliet.
Student 1: "What is an example of dramatic irony in Act IV?"
Student 2: "Friar John. When we learn that Friar John didn't get the message to Romeo because he was held up by the plague."
Student 3: "And ninjas."
Havig: "Not ninjas."
Student 1: "I figured that part out."

Student: "So she (Juliet) sucks his lips to get poison?"
Havig: "She kisses him. She doesn't suck his lips."
Student: "I would. He's hot!"

On to an Honors English II moment when they were working on their Julius Caesar and Macbeth video projects.  In short, they pick one of the plays, rewrite the script and film it. 
Student: "So people die in both plays."
Havig: "Right."
Student: "How accurately can we portray the deaths?"
Havig: "Well, don't actually kill anyone...please."
Student to other group member, "Uh, Student 2, we might need to re-shoot that scene."

It's Been Too Long...

Hey everyone -

I have been quite the slacker when it comes to posting.  Honestly, my system for documenting awesome moments kinda failed last year.  That and ASB was keeping me really busy.  However, you my loyal fan(s?) (love you, Mom!) have been asking when new moments will be posted.  I had no idea that you all really read this thing.  Awesome. 

I do have more moments from last year that I'm going to post, and the new school year is right around the corner.  Look for updates in the near future.  Enjoy the rest of your summer!

- Havig

ECMOA for the Week of May 25 - June 5, 2009

It has been well established that I am a slacker. However, I promise to post the rest of last year’s moments this weekend. I’ve also been piling up the moments for this year.

Enjoy!

We’ll start things off with a little Romeo & Juliet.

“See? They use a rope ladder. It is just like using her hair.”
- this particular student was convinced that R&J was just like Rapunzel.

While looking at a picture in the textbook from the 1963 version of the movie:
Student #1: “This is like a horror movie.”
Havig: “Oh, the picture?”
Student #1: “There’s a squid in that jar.”
Havig: “No, that’s just the liquid spilling over.”
Student #2 to Student #1: “What is wrong with you?!”

When Juliet “dies” and Romeo visits her tomb to die by her side:
Student #1: “How can that not tell she’s not dead? You just have to listen to their stomach.”
Student #2 “Their stomach?”
Student #1: “Y’know, their breastal region.” (said while circling his hand over his breastal region)


“You said that Lady Montegue died of grief, but really she was assassinated by ninjas.”

“That’s a lot of suck.”
- on the ending of R&J

“Jesus loves you, so it’s okay.”
- reasoning that it would be more logical for Friar Laurence to kill Juliet instead of sending her to a nunnery.

Student #1: “So it’s like the Prince and then Safeway and Fred Meyer.”
Havig: “Exactly.”
Answering another student’s question about who rules Verona and how the two families fit in.

Vocab moments:
“When I wrote it down, I wrote turdious.”
- instead of tedious

At some point I appointed a student (student #4) to be my minion and told her how she had to do my bidding. Later in the semester, minion was one of their vocab words. For their vocab assignments, they draw a picture to help them remember the word.
Student #1: “I drew a picture of Student #4 for minion.”
Student #2: “So did I!”
Student #3 “Me too!”

Other freshman moments:
Student #1: “Why would you eat raisins when you could eat chocolate?”
Student #2: “Why don’t you like raisins?”
Student #1: “They’re disgusting and taste like old lady.”

“Don’t, or I will punch you in the face. Twice.”
- one girl jokingly to another about the second girl putting her hair up.

ECMOA End of the Year Shenanigans for the month of May

I’m being lazy and am just going to break this down by month. By the way, as I write this, it is like 109 degrees outside, and 92 degrees inside my non-air conditioned house. I am that dedicated. I’m also watching Sex Decoys: Love Stings on Hulu. I feel like a unpaid advertisement for this TV show judging by the number of people I have told about this show. It is an absolute train wreck of a show. It follows Sandra Hope who runs a private investigator business which specializes in catching people suspected of cheating on their significant others.


Sandra uses her three daughters as decoys in the stings and wants her agency to be a family business. The older two daughters, Kashmir and Jasmine are part-time strippers. The youngest daughter is not a stripper probably only because she is not old enough to get into a bar. Oh, by the way her name is Xanadu. XANADU! ! ! Seriously! ! ! For those who don’t know, Xanadu is the name of the gigantic house/estate in Citizen Kane where the main character, Charles Kane, lives out his final days and where the infamous Rosebud sled is burned up at the end of the film. Citizen Kane is actually a really good movie, but like The Godfather, it’s best to be kind of doing something else while you’re watching it like ironing or writing thank you cards. For children of the 70s and 80s, Xanadu is the title of a supposedly horrific—as in horrible, not horror—film from 1980 staring Olivia Newton-John. I haven’t seen it, but everyone says it’s terrible. There are a bunch of muses, Gene Kelly is in it, and I can’t fathom why. Here’s the plot summary from IMDb:

The Greek muses incarnate themselves on Earth to inspire men to achieve. One of them, incarnated as a girl named Kira, encounters an artist named Sonny Malone. With the help of Danny McGuire, a man Kira had inspired forty years earlier, Sonny builds a huge disco roller rink.




Sometimes I miss the 80s. I want to see a movie with a culmination of the construction of a giant disco roller rink. Excuse me while I add it to my Netflix queue. I do believe I need to figure out a way I can justify showing this in class. It sounds kind of terribly awesome. Anyway, XANADU! I’m guessing that Sandra named her daughter after the Olivia Newton-John movie, not after the symbolic Xanadu from the greatest film of all time, as least according to every “Greatest Films of All Time” list that has ever been made.

Alas, I have digressed. Watch the show if you want to see a woman with scary amounts of collagen in her lips whore out her own daughters for the sake of catching really sleazy guys cheating on their girlfriends. I am warning you though, it just might suck you in. It’s a vortex of brain-numbing, why-am-I-watching-this-crap? awesomeness.

On to the moments!

Moment 1:
My Honors kids had a portion of their Julius Caesar exam which asked them to identify who said a quote and the context of the quote. Here are some excerpts from brilliant answers.

“Cassius, in his typical fashion, is having himself a pity party.”

“Murellus is disgusted by how the Romans quickly turned their backs on Pompey and followed Caesar’s new reign—SHINY!!!”

“This shows how ADD and childish the people of Rome are.”

“Caesar is talking to Antony about the kind of men he wants on his council. He doesn’t want men who think for themselves, rather ones that sit back and agree with his ideas. Like Hugh Hefner and the Playboy girls.”

Moment 2:
This time around in the Shakespeare unit, the students were asked to write a paragraph explaining whether or not they had any sympathy for the characters of Macbeth by the end of the play. More excerpts from their answers.

“Well, I guess I really feel sorry for Macbeth because his wife is a crazy woman that is udeserving and likes to kill for her own sick pleasure. I’m also happy that Lady Macbeth dies and has to suffer. So basically, I feel like you. (me, Havig) Ahahahahahaha.”

“I feel zero sympathy. I have a heart like Havig toward Macbeth.”

“He’s (Macbeth) a big boy, and he should act more like it.”

Moment 3:
Here are some freshman quotes:

“So it’s like bedazzling?”
student on the pinking of shoes in Romeo & Juliet. Pinking is punching little designs in one’s shoes.

Havig, handing out R&J packet: “I have a present for you.”
Student: “Can I re-gift it?”

Moment 4:
Here are some sophomore moments:

My third period class decided that Macbeth, the last piece of literature that we read this year was the perfect culmination of the class because it incorporated prostitutes and dead babies. Nearly every piece of literature that we read had a hooker in it, and for some reason we had some on-going dead baby joke conversations. I love my job.

I was chatting with my third period class about the movie I had seen the night before, Premonition staring Sandra Bullock. The movie itself isn’t really all that great, but the gag reel offers one of the best moments recorded on film. I really wanted to show the clip to the class, but I had already sent back the movie. Fortunately, a student’s mom loves the movie, and they had it at home. Thanks to Kelly, the class was able to watch the clip.

It is worth a rental just to watch the clip. I don’t want to spoil your experience in watching it, but imagine this: Sandra Bullock running toward a flaming car accident yelling for her husband + prop which is basically the head of her dead husband + CPR = hilarity. It made me love Sandra Bullock even more than I had before.

I’m still trying to get the awesome pictures that the students drew to upload. I’ll try to get those up soon.

Try to stay out of the heat!

You Have to Watch This

I would be a terrible person if I did not expose as many people as possible to this amazing video. The idea behind Literal Videos is what would videos be like if the lyrics matched what was actually happening in the video. Not only do I love, love, LOVE Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart, but the video is hilarious. It is one of those epic, this-doesn't-really-make-any-sense-to-me-at-all video concepts. (I'm calling you out Meatloaf and Celine Dion and your running around in the pseudo-castle with way too many candles video movies.)



Credit those who brought us this example of awesomeness: dascottjr

Remember, only 7 days left!

ECMOA for the Weeks of April 6th-17th

Okay, I will admit that I am a total slacker when it comes to posting on the ol’ blog. I promise you, however, that the wait will be worth it as I have some incredible moments coming up from the months of April ‘till June. I even have some student generated illustrations and some comics that are absolutely amazing. Enjoy!

English I
Moment 1:
The freshmen had just finished reading A Separate Peace by John Knowles, and they were completing a little end of the unit art project where they draw what they think would make a good book cover for the novel. As part of the assignment, they had to put the title and author’s name on their drawing.

Student 1: “What’s the author’s name again?”
Havig: “John Knowles.” (Writing it up on the board.)
Student 2: “Ooh, is he related to Beyonce?”
Havig (with back still turned to the class): “Yes.”
Student 3: “Really?!”
Havig: “No.”

Moment 2:
A student in 5th period was talking about the neighborhood that her dad lives in which is apparently not the greatest neighborhood.
Student: “With all the crackers everywhere…”
Havig: “Did you really just call people crackers?”
Student: “Did I? Crackheads. That’s what I meant, crackheads.”

Later in the same conversation, I after I explained that I don’t live in nicest of neighborhoods either…
Student 1: “So do you seem normal in your neighborhood? Like everyone is so weird, you must seem normal.”
Student 2: “ish.”
Havig: “Thanks for that.”

Moment 3:
We were just starting a new assignment.
Student 1: “Is this going to be fun?”
Havig: “I think so.”
Student 2: “That means it won’t be.”

Honors English II
Moment 4:
Upon starting the Shakespeare unit.
Student 1: “Wait, it’s (Julius Caesar) a play?”
Student 2: “Shakespeare tends to be plays.”
Student 3: “That’s how he rolls.”

Moment 5:
A student was telling another story about her family’s odd happenings. Keep in mind that she has a particularly interesting family set up.
Havig: “Wait, your ex-stepmother’s fiancé?”
Student: “Yep.”
Havig: “Just checking. Please continue with your story.”

Moment 6:
Student 1 was talking about a foreign film she had seen.
Student 1: “It’s not a chick-flick, but it’s a romance.”
Student 2: “If it’s a romance, it IS a chick-flick.”
Havig: “Not necessarily. You can have romance without being all, Where the Heart is.”
Student 3: “Like James Bond.”
Havig: “Exactly!”

Moment 7:
The students had just started reading Julius Caesar, and we were talking about the character Cassius. One student thought Cassius was a woman for the first part of Act I. A second student pointed out how Cassius butters up Brutus to join the conspiracy by complimenting him and such.
Student 2: “Guys don’t do that. That’s a total girl thing to do.”

Moment 8:
The Julius Caesar portion of the Shakespeare unit happened to occur over mid April.
Student to Havig: “Beware the Ides of April.”
Havig: “Wait, isn’t that today!?”
Later in the same period after the student’s proclamation, another student leaned back against the bar that attaches the chair of her desk to the desk top and broke it clean off. Spooky.

Stay tuned for vocab quiz drawings. I've got some great ones to share.

ECMOA for March 16-27

Phew, it's been quite the month. Here are the moments leading up to Spring Break.

Moment 1:
Student 1 had some kind of wound on his ankle, and he peeled off the gauze during class. For some reason unknown to decent humanity, he started smelling the gauze.

Havig: “Did you just smell that again?”
Student 2: “You’re smelling that?!”
Havig: “Twice!”
Student 3: “Ugh, that’s disgusting.”
Student 1: “It smells like mentholatum.”
Student 2: “Why do you keep doing that?!”
The conversation calmed down a bit.
Student 2: “There is nothing worse than seeing someone pick off their own scab.”
Havig: “It’s worse if they eat it.”
Student 2: “Ahhhh!!!”
Havig: “Little kids do that.”
Student 3: “Thanks a lot. (putting down food) I was going to eat some craisins, but not any more.”

Moment 2:
These are all from my 5th period English I class.

“It was supposed to be nice today!”
Student wearing shorts while it was snowing outside in response to comments from other students.

“Can you use Law & Order as an example instead? I like that show better.”
Student after I used CSI to explain their vocab word, latent.

Student 1: “Hey, I heard you used to be a bit of a chunkster.”
Student 2: “Who me? (smiles sheepishly) Yeah.”

Havig: “So I’m going to read chapter nine to you.”
Student: “You are? Shut up! (pauses) Not literally.”

A kid switched schools from our district rival school. He was proclaiming that BGHS was way better than Prairie. The student in front of him turned around, looked at him, and swiped his soda bottle onto the floor in response. I just thought it was pretty funny.

Moment 3:
And not to be outdone, these moments are from my 1st period English I class.

“Did you fart? ‘Cause you just blew me away.”
This, apparently is a pick up line. No word yet on how well it works.
“What are you trying to say? Use your words. You’re not five.”
One student to another student who was gesturing to another student.

Moment 4:
One student in my 4th period class uttered these words of brilliance in an explanation of me.
“I think I figured you out. You have two emotions: sarcasm and annoyance, and that’s it. No sympathy, sadness, depression, anger. Well, annoyance can lead to anger. But still, no happy or anything. Just sarcasm and annoyance.

I have to say, I have never heard anyone so succinctly explain me. I’m not sure if my mom knows me that well.

Wish us all luck as we tackle the last few WASL tests for the year. Have a great week!

Prairie Talent Show

Here are the videos from my comedy routine for Prairie's Key Club Talent Show.

Part I

Part II

Part III

ECMOA for February 16 - March 13, 2009

There are only two weeks until Spring Break! Not that I'm counting...

Moment 1:

My freshmen completed an assignment called the Who Am I? box where they share important objects or photos that tell the class more about them. My fifth period class was talking about what kinds of objects they were going to include in their boxes, and a few girls were talking about the Bratz Dolls of their childhoods.

Student 1: They (Bratz Dolls) do not dress appropriately.”
Havig: “Not a lot of meeting the dress code.”
Student 2: “That’s because they don’t dress. The don’t wear clothes.”
Student 3: “I don’t like Bratz Dolls. They’re ugly.”
Student 2: “And they used to try to be Barbies. Oh wait, that was just me playing.”

Moment 2:
“Can I borrow a Band-Aid, but forever. Like not give it back?”
Personally, that’s the only kind of borrowing of Band-Aids of which I approve.

Moment 3:
One of the students in 4th period made a future life plan for another student documenting her future marriage and children. There was some conversation while one student was trying to explain it to another student. At some point in time, the student whose life had been planned mentioned her cousin getting married. Another student responed:
“What? You’re marrying your cousin? I know you’re from Amboy, but seriously.”

Moment 4:
Sophomores are reading Don Quixote at the moment, and one student was talking about a quote in the novel.
Student 1: “I don’t speak French. I speak normal.”
Student 2: “It’s in Spanish.”
Student 1: "Oh."

Moment 5:
I’m trying to convince my 5th period freshmen that The Office is really funny and worth watching. They do not agree with me.
“Oh, is that an inside joke from The Office? That’s why it’s not funny to us.”

Moment 6:
I showed my freshmen the opening clip from Dead Poet’s Society as part of background information for A Separate Peace. There are bagpipes playing at the opening ceremony.
“Oh, the music of my people!”

Moment 7:
Now, my 5th period class is quite the bunch of distractible kids. One student asked which of two students who sit up by the front are more distracting.
Havig: “I think Student 1 is more distracting than Student 2.”
Student 2: “Thanks, I think. Wait, did you say attractive?”
Havig: “No. (laughing) I said distracting.”
Student 2: “Oh, I thought you said attractive.”
Havig: “That would be a little weird, wouldn’t it?”
Student 2: “Yeah, I guess it would.”

Moment 8:
Student 1 is in a marketing class, and had made an advertisement for Cheerios.
Student 1: “If you say this walking down the hall, would you buy Cheerios?”
Havig: “Well, I like Cheerios anyway, so I wouldn’t need much convincing.”
Student 2: “Ooh, me too. I love Cheerios. I took the 6-week challenge, and my cholesterol went down.”

Have a fantastic week!

ECMOA for the Weeks of February 2-13th, 2009

Late starts can be a beautiful thing. Not having to go into work for two hours simply because the weather is bad is seriously one of the major perks to being a teacher. We had a late start on Tuesday, and 10th, and it was marvelous. The only that could have made this particular late start even better is that they didn’t announce it until I was already eating breakfast. On a perfect late start, I get to sleep in a bit. Ce la vie. I did get into school year well before the students showed up, and one of the things I did was bleach wipe all of the student desks. There is some nasty illness going around, and I don’t want to get sick.

Moment 1:
My sophomores just finished reading some Arthurian Legends, and in one of the class discussions, it was noted that Guinevere is basically the Yoko Ono of Camelot.

Moment 2:
Student: “You know how when cows eat other cows, they get mad cow’s disease?”
Havig: “Yeah?”
Student: “Does that happen when people eat people?”
Havig: “Well, Mad Cow is when they eat the brains, so it’s a little different. (Pause.) Are you interested in a little cannibalism?”
Student: “Um, no. My sister was talking about it.”
Havig: “Is she?”
Student (hesitantly): “I don’t think so.”

Moment 3:
My students tend to draw pictures or write random things on the back of their vocab quizzes. They are a pretty creative bunch overall, but there was one this week that led to a moment of awesomeness.

Next to a large smiley face: “My grandmother hated smiley faces because she thought it was a gang symbol for drugs.”

Havig: “That reminds me of my mom. I like to wear baseball hats on occasion. Now, I grew up in White Salmon which has about 2000 people, so of course we had a huge gang problem.”
Student (with a lot of seriousness): “Really?”
Long pause with several students snickering.
Havig to student: “That was sarcasm.”
Student: “Oh.”

Have a good Week!

ECMOA for the Weeks of January 16th-30th, 2009

This entry finds us ending first semester and beginning a brand new semester. This also means that the school year is officially over half way through. Not that I’m counting.

Moment 1:

In the process of teaching detail sentences to my freshmen, I may have made the mistake of telling my 5th period class about my questionable wardrobe choices that I made in the fifth grade. The short of it is that I do not have any concept of “matching” my clothes. As a friend (hey Catherine!) pointed out on one of my Facebook pictures, my “shades of crimson do not match. Not just me and Erinn (the other person in the picture), but me and me.” The details of my 5th grade wardrobe shenanigans go something like this: Sweatpants in a variety of colors EVERY DAY along with this mostly royal blue flannel shirt which I wore nearly every day. Here is where the whole “matching” concept that is not in my brain really got me into trouble. The flannel shirt in all of its plaid glory had a mixture of colors. My “matching” logic: In the flannel shirt, there is a little stripe red, so I can wear red sweatpants. There is also a little stripe of teal in the flannel shirt, so I can wear a teal shirt along with the red sweats, and the flannel shirt ties it all together. I have pictures. No, I will not post them. My mother used to lament that people would think that I was an orphan who was unloved if she let me go to school like that. It still doesn’t “look wrong” to me, but enough people have made valiant attempts to correct my wrongs that I take their word for it.

In continuing to explain how the detail sentences of a paragraph should support the topic sentence, I said, “So if I was writing a paragraph about my horrendous wardrobe in the 5th grade, I wouldn’t mention what a snappy dresser I am now.”
Student: “Did you say, ‘snappy?’”
Havig: “Yes, I did.”

I told my students some of the rules, including one of my personal favorites, your belt should always match your shoes.

Moment 2:

Havig: “Are you meowing again?”
Student: “I don’t meow. Cats meow. (Her actual name) talks, but you may call me Violet.”
Early in the year, I kept calling her by the wrong name, so she tried to get me to call her Violet. Just for a fame of reference, this is the same student who used to bite her brother and his friends in the car.

Moment 3:

Back to my 5th period class.
Student 1 and Student 2 have the same name, although they each spell it differently.

Student 1: “That’s cliché.”
Student 2: “What’s that mean?”
Student 1: “I don’t even know. (to Havig) What’s cliché mean?”
Havig: “When something is said so often, it’s not original anymore, so it’s considered cliché. Maybe you two shouldn’t sit next to each other.”
Student 3: “So, if someone copies your clothes, that’s cliché?”
Havig: “Ah, not really like that.”
Student 4: “Like with clothes not matching, like clashe, cliché?”
Havig: “That’s clashing. Clashing and cliché have nothing to do with each other. I’m trying to figure out a way to explain it. Okay, using the phrase “el oh el” in your texts is cliché because you’re not really laughing out loud, and everyone uses it, so it’s not original anymore.”
Student 5: “Ha, el, oh, el.”
Student 2: “Can we get back to English now?”
Student 6: “Let’s not.”
Student 3: “But (Student 1 & 2’s name) wants to learn.”
Student 1 pointing to Student 2: “Not me, that one!”

Moment 4:

My students are in the middle of a social justice unit, and one of the first stories we read was an excerpt from the biography of Susan B. Anthony. I had them define justice the best they could, and then we talked about the different kinds of justice.

Havig: “Have you ever heard the expression ‘eye for an eye?’”
Student: “Yeah, eye for an eye, pinch for a pinch, cookie for a cookie.”
Havig: “What on earth are you talking about?”

Later in the period as we were starting Susan B. Anthony’s biography…

Student 1: “She’s scary looking!”
Havig: “Yeah, she’s a bit frightening.”
Student 2: “What’s wrong with her eyes?”
Student 3: “How come she’s frowning?”
Student 4: “She looks scary.”
Havig: “Well, we’re not admiring her for her aesthetic appeal.”
Student 1: “Yeah, she did a lot of good things (cracking herself up) you have to look on the positive side.”

The pictures of good ol’ Susan B. are not flattering.

Moment 5:
(Two days after Moment 1.)

Student: “Hey! Your belt does match your shoes.”

I do follow the rules people!

Moment 6:

“How can you say that without puking a little bit in your mouth?”
Student in response to another student’s story about some killer who carried around the eyeballs of his victims in his coat pocket.

Moment 7:

“That’s awkward. It’s not incest, but it’s awkward.”
Student on the idea of a guy’s divorced mom hooking up with the dad of his wife. (So if John and Mary were married, and John’s mom later married Mary’s dad. Creepy.)

Moment 8:

“What about the love of food?”
Student in response to one of the Rules of Love (we’re talkin’ King Arthur, courtly love and chivalry) which implies that love impacts people in love not being able to eat or sleep.

Moment 9:

“Ms. Havig, you’re making me a failure at life.”
Student’s comment after I wouldn’t let her leave class early to go get her history textbook for her next class.

“Wow, that’s harsh. It’s not crying like you want, but that’s still pretty good.”
Other student commenting on the statement above. I may have told them about my teaching goal of having a student cry from feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work they get in my class. It has yet to happen.

I have the feeling that my reformed 5th period English I class is going to provide a lot of moments this semester because they have been cracking me up all week.

ECMOA for January 5-16, 2009

Holy crap it’s a brand new year!

Before we get on with the moments, there is a You Tube that you should check out. Just to warn you it’s really disturbing, but in a funny kind of way. One of those, you’re a teacher—you shouldn’t find that funny kind of funny. However, I am the kind of teacher that loves Family Guy and Robot Chicken and all of their amazing inappropriateness. Anyway, go to YouTube and search for “The Count Censored” and watch the video. It really makes you wonder what the original Sesame Street people were thinking when they wrote that song.

Moment 1:
We were discussing Count von Count from Sesame Street and how awesome he is when my random student in 3rd period randomly said, “3 is the best. 1, 2, 3.”

Moment 2:
“You just compared God to the WASL.”

Student in my third period class in response to my commentary on Leo Tolstoy’s “Work, Death, and Sickness.” In this short story, a god figure wants man to work together, but never lets man know. He just makes them suffer in different ways in hopes that they would learn to work together. The mysterious end goal combined with seemingly unnecessary suffering reminded me of the WASL—the WASL is Washington’s mandated state test to measure Annual Yearly Progress in order to comply with the No Child Left Behind legislation.

Moment 3:
I started teaching another teacher’s Honors English II class since she went on maternity leave at the beginning of January. For whatever reason, those kids (6th period) were freaking out a bit about having me as their teacher instead. Something about they thought I was going to overload them with work. My fourth period class decided that I should perpetuate my reputation by being slightly crazy and creep them totally out.

Here are some of their suggestions:
- relate everything to death
- don’t ever smile
- don’t even use sarcasm
- any time some one laughs tell them, “it’s English class time; it’s not joke time.”
- make them do what ever the English class equivalent is of running laps

From this last suggestion, a student said that writing sentences would be the English class equivalent of running laps resulting in the following conversation.

Student 1: “I will not tell lies.”
Havig: “Yeah, make them write in their own blood.”
Student 2: “WHAT?!?!?!?”

Student 2 had not been paying attention to the rest of the conversation and thought we were still talking about what I should do to further freak out 6th period.

Moment 4:
This is connected with the above suggestions from 4th period. A student suggested making them read aloud, and another upped the ante by saying I should have them read aloud in unison. I pointed out that having students read aloud in unison was really creepy and was very cult-like.

This related to an earlier discussion the class had about infomercials, and one of the current favorite infomercials is the one for Snuggies. The students decided that they wanted to all get Snuggies in matching colors and wear them to class. It was further decided that they could get the hearing amplifier that looks like a blue tooth head set to look even more like a cult.

Moment 5:
Student: “I learned the difference between oceans and seas today.”
Havig: “That’s good.”
Student after some thoughtful reflection: “If it actually comes from the ocean, why isn’t it called ocean food?”
Havig: “I have no idea.”

Moment 6:
In Honors English II class, we are reading Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoesvsky. Now this is a tough read, especially since the first part is basically the narrator rambling on about all that is wrong with himself and with society. In my new acquired 6th period class, they were asking if the second part of the novel got any better.

Havig: “Well, there’s a hooker.”
Student: “Hasn’t there been a hooker in everything we’ve read.”
Havig, thinking back on the last three novels we’ve read, “Why yes, actually.”

For the record, the presence of hookers was completely coincidental.

Moment 7:
My freshmen just finished reading The Odyssey this week. Last week I was explaining the complex character that is Odysseus. I was telling them to look for the decisions that make Ody a good leader and the ones that make him a poor leader. I also described how he is a physical phenom when it came to battling.

Student 1: “That sound like me.”
Havig: “What, good decisions, bad decisions?”
Student 1: “Well, yeah, and strong.”
Havig while doing a little mock Hulk Hogan pose: “You going to pose a little for us?”
Student 1: “Nah.”
Havig: “Did you get your tickets?”
Student 1, laughing about the reference: “Yeah.”
Student 2: “Tickets?”
Havig: “Your tickets to the gun show.”
Student 2: “That’s like some 80s pick up line.”
Havig: “That’s not from the 80s.”
Student 2: “Well, it sounds like something my dad would say.”

Moment 8:
A student put a fake parking violation on my windshield afterschool one day. For the record, my truck was perfectly parked; however, the ticket was for having an “abnormally large” vehicle. Now that I cannot argue with.

Moment 9:
“How long do you think it would take to clean up all of that blood?”
Student in response to Book 22 of The Odyssey with is appropriately titled “Death in the Great Hall” where Ody slaughters 100 men.

Moment 10:
After we finished reading The Odyssey, we started watching the 1997 movie version which begins with Ody running to where his wife, Penelope, is in active labor.
Student: “I thought she (Penelope) was supposed to be pretty.”
Havig: “Dude, she’s in labor. Give her a break.”

There is only one week left in first semester. That in itself is an awesome moment.

Have a good week!

ECMOA for the Month of December, 2008

December was a very short month school wise. Winter break was only part of the lack of school days. Due to Arctic Blast 2008, we had three snow days to close out the week before winter break. No complaints here.

Moment 1:
Okay, this is totally about me, but since the occasion was my 30th birthday, I think it’s okay to put my moment first. I turned 30 on a Saturday, and on the Friday before, a few of my colleagues (Riedel, Truelove, and Muller) decorated my classroom in celebration. The Happy Birthday signs were fantastic. However, I was a little frightened by the shear amount of pink that inhabited my workspace. It seemed a few giant pink elephants ate a few too many pink Hostess Snowballs while drinking pink lemonade and then threw up all over my classroom. There were numerous princess tiaras stapled to my walls. The best (worst?) part was the infinite amount of pink metallic tinsel covering EVERYTHING. My desk, my podium, my overhead, all of the shelves, the counter, all of my desk drawers, my cupboard were all covered in the stuff. That and confetti in the form of little Happy Birthdays, stars and dime sized Barbie stickers. Again, these were all over my desk and podium. In my desk drawers, I also found a Barbie doll and a My Little Pony named Pinkie Pie. Absolutely horrifying. When I asked the culprits about the theme of the décor, they admitted that when they were planning my room décor, they asked themselves, what says Havig? They decided that pink and princesses was the answer.

Moment 2:
Students in my 4th period class were swapping stories of their childhood. Once again, I’m not sure how the topic came up, but I swear it had to do with what they were reading for class. Anyway, one student was recounting how when she was little, her older brother (who is two years older than her) and his friend would fight over who had to sit next to her in the car. Apparently it was a huge deal and not just the typical calling shotgun. She couldn’t figure out why neither of them ever wanted to sit by her. She was feeling quite slighted by the whole ordeal.

Then, as her story continued, she got a little quieter and admitted, “and sometimes, in the car, I would bite them…hard.”

Moment 3:
A student in my 3rd period class said “reading” as a weird past tense way, pronouncing it like “redding” instead of “reeding.” Then we got into a discussion about it, and I shared a little gem about a professor I had who used the read (present tense) and read (past tense) thing to point out how important context is when reading. He wrote READ on the board and asked a student to pronounce the word. Which ever way the student said it, he said it was wrong. The student in my class was adamant that the way he said it could be correct. At this time, another student pointed out that, “it’s not ‘slepting’” as an example of why he was wrong.

Moment 4:
One of the students in my 3rd period class set up a blog to keep track of the win/fail points that students have earned in class. One student earned numerous fail points for bringing in a bag of cookies and sharing them with the class. The fail points were because he later admitted that he had found the cookies in his garage, and he wasn’t sure how old they were. Fail points indeed.

School starts up again tomorrow. Wish us all luck.

ECMOA: Special Snow Day Edition 12-17-08

Happy Snow Day! I live in Vancouver, Washington which is sometimes considered as part of the Portland-Metro area. Something that I’ve learned in my seven years of residence in this fair city is that a tiny bit of snow makes the entire region shut down. I grew up where we got snow every winter, usually around a couple of feet or so. Sometimes we got more (6 feet was the record in my lifetime); sometimes we didn’t get snow at all. However, snow didn’t paralyze the entire community. People know how to drive in the snow in my hometown. Very few people know how to drive in the snow around here. Long story short, we’ve had a dusting of snow. Seriously, I can still count individual snow flakes lying on the ground. And school has been canceled. Full disclosure, I live in Vancouver, and Vancouver School District is open today. I’m sure that the upper elevations in Battle Ground where I work has some decent snow. I’m currently watching news reports of “Arctic Blast 08.” My cat, Baxter, LOVES these kinds of days because he likes to attack the ticker running along the bottom of the screen. He’s a giant cat, so he has not problem standing up on his hind legs to bat at the screen with both paws. He has worn himself out and is sleeping next to me on the couch.

I’m actually kind of glad. I brought home some work to do just incase we didn’t have school today. Plus while I generally like my students, two consecutive days of late start makes them exhausting and nearly unbearable. I have to remind myself that they don’t get snow very often, so it’s a big deal to them. Whenever we get snow around here, and the kids are confident that the two inches accumulated on the ground means that they will be sent home early (for the record, that has never happened in my 7 years in the district), it makes me have one of those “back in my day…” moments.

So, here is my own winter weather tale:

My sophomore year of high school, I had to walk to school because my dad was at an outage with the truck. My dad was branch manager for the White Salmon branch of Klickitat County PUD, so when the weather was nasty, he was usually at work coordinating the restoration of power to the outlying areas. We hadn’t heard of any closures, so I got ready to walk to school in about a foot of snow. The walk wasn’t that far, a little less than a mile and a half, and one that I had done since I was in the 5th grade. The walk to school took me up the road to the top of Strawberry Mountain (a very deceiving name—a hill at best), then down through an orchard to the school. I got all bundled up and headed out to school only to find the doors to the high school locked. I walked around to the front entrance which was open, and saw a sign that said “School is 2 Hours Late.” I decided to go ahead and walk the mile and half back home instead of sitting around at the cold school for two hours. After enjoying some hot chocolate, I trudged back to school. Another sign greeted me: “School is Canceled.” Crap. By the time I made my fourth trek through the orchard it had snowed another few inches. My mom just laughed at me when I got back home. She told me that she had heard on the radio that school had been canceled about 20 minutes after I left home the second time. I thought the whole thing was kind of funny as well, though I was disappointed that I didn’t get to sleep in on the snow day. I believe these kinds of experiences are filed under “Character Building.”

ECMOA for the Month of November, 2008

November is the 4th best month to be a teacher. June, July, and August getting the top three spots, of course. Why is November so great? Lots of days off. Between Veteran’s Day and Thanksgiving Break, I get a random four days off from work. Plus it usually starts on the tail end of a week of half days for parent/teacher conferences. While we do get two weeks off for winter break, the chaos of dealing with amped up teenagers for the first two weeks of December counterbalances the joy of a two-week vacation.

It’s a short installment this month, but it doesn’t make it any less awesome. Enjoy!

Moment 1:
Two students were talking by my desk.
Student 1 (to several students): “Do you like spaghetti? Do you like spaghetti? Am I like the only person who doesn’t like spaghetti?”
Student 2: “Why not?”
Student 1: “Well, I choked on a noodle, just a plain noodle, when I was little.”
Havig: “Were you attacked by a pack of spaghetti as a small child?”
Student 1: “Yeah, spaghetti killed my father and raped my mother.”

The timing was hilarious.

Moment 2:
From a student’s paper regarding parental advice:
“My mother drives me insane. She likes really disgusting things, which is probably why she is a dental hygienist.”

The opening line from another student’s parental advice paper:
“You know nothing of granny squares!”

She later explained what granny squares were, but I still think it is one of the best first lines I have read. I am going to start using it as my “you’re an idiot!” phrase.

Moment 3:
“I’m sure your bladder will make friends some day.”
- student in response to my explanation that I have a very shy bladder, and thus do not like using the restroom when other people are in the restroom. It wasn’t just the comment, it was the really creepy way the student made the comment that made this awesome.

Moment 4:
A conversation with my freshmen about parents:
Student 1: “How old is your dad?”
Student 2: “He’s like 30.”
Student 1: “So he had you when he was 16?”
Student 2 (slightly perplexed): “No, my mom was like 20.”
Havig: “I think you mean that he’s in his 30s.”
Student 2: “Yeah, I didn’t mean he’s 30.”
Havig: “’Cause I’m going to be 30 in a few days, and I don’t feel like I’m old enough to be your parent.”
Student 2: “Yeah, I think you’re old enough.”
Much laughter from the class ensues, and I mock hurt from being called old. Another student explains to Student 2 why what she said was so funny.
Student 2: “Oh, I meant that you’re were old enough to have kids.”

Moment 5:
“Oh, crap! I just killed that hooker!”
- one small child’s parroting comment after watching some teenagers play Grand Theft Auto according to one of my third period kids.

Moment 6:
So, my third period class may have been discussing serial killers. Okay, I was telling them about a great moment in an episode of Criminal Minds where this guy (the un-sub) chops up his victims and puts pieces of them into the chili that he’s serving to the volunteers who are searching for the victims. How messed up is that!? There is this great line from this episode. A priest and one of the investigators is questioning the un-sub about one of the victims whose body has not been found. After way more searching on the World Wide Web than I’d like to admit, I found that the character’s name was Tracey Lambert. Anyway, they keep asking "Where is Tracey Lambert?" The un-sub goes on a tangent about God. The priest states, “God is inside all of us.” To which the un-sub replies, “So is Tracey Lambert.” Then a bunch of clips run showing the volunteers eating the chili con Tracey Lambert. Awesome! As I was telling them about this episode--which had everything to do with what we were discussing in class at the time, I swear--the following exchange occurred:

Havig: “So this serial killer was hacking up bodies, as serial killers sometimes do.”
Student: “Hacking, like (cough, cough)?

It took me a few minutes to regain my composure after that one. I guess from this day forward, I must differentiate between the hacking that serial killers do with knives and the hacking that my cats do to get rid of hairballs.

ECMOA for the Month of October, 2008 Part II

Here’s the second half of awesome moments from the month of October. By the way, if you are extra bored or have some time, you should check out my other blog, Stupid Baby Names and Other Things that Bug Me. You can find it at stupidbabynames.blogspot.com. I have quite a few name rants in the works plus I’m reviewing the best and the worst of holiday songs.

I’m going to break them up by the classes as opposed to individual moments just for kicks.

From the freshmen:

One student had forgotten to write his or her name on a vocab quiz, so I took it around the classroom to find the owner.
Havig: “Does anyone want to claim this?”
Student: “There’s no name on it…oh.”

Student 1: “Ms. Havig, who do you think would make a better president, McCain or Obama?”
Havig: “Well, since I’m a teacher, I’m not really supposed to share my political views with my students.”
Student 2: “Did you say a llama or Obama?”
Student 1 (sarcastically): “Obama. Yeah, who would make a better president, McCain or a llama?”

Student: “How do you spell, climb-ed?”
Now this may be one of those kinds of things where you had to be there to really appreciate the humor in this situation. After this student asked for some spelling assistance via exaggerated enunciation, it became an on-going joke to over emphasize the ed ending to most words.

From the seniors:

A student had this as part of a journal entry.
“You calling the kettle black is what old people usually say, which is funny because the metaphor doesn’t really make any sense.”

And finally from the sophomores:

“This is where they all hate each other.”
- in reference to the characters in second section of Joy Luck Club

It think this next one is my personal favorite from this round. The students received progress reports awhile back, and one of my students’ progress report was printed with the watermark on the paper upside down. Basically, the school printed some of the progress reports with the paper going the wrong way. Ah…education.

There are more on tap for November, so stay tuned.

ECMOA for the Month of October, 2008 Part I

Okay sports fans (that’s a colloquialism that I got from my dad), let’s be realistic. I am not very good at posting once a week like I used to be. I’m hoping for at least bi-weekly postings, but monthly postings may be what you get. To the four of you that actually read this blog, I thank you for your loyalty.

I’ve noticed that the majority of the moments these days are simply quotes from my students or conversations that I have overheard or have had with my students. I do miss the days of a particular student’s stories about how she broke her glasses or how she lost them (one apparently shouldn’t tape one’s glasses to one’s cat’s head). I’m realizing that the students who I had as freshmen when I first started the English Class Moments of Awesomeness are now seniors. How time flies.

On to the awesomeness!

Moment 1:
“Pale is the new tan.”
- one student to another student as they compared their tans, or lack there of

Moment 2:
“It’s like homework, you can only use it once.”
- student response to an assignment question regarding parental advice

Moment 3:
This was a side conversation that I had with one of my freshmen, and the seriousness of the question totally cracked me up.
Student: “Your tongue’s a muscle, right?”
Havig: “Yeah.”
Student: “So could you pull your tongue like if you really got into a piece of cheese cake?”
Havig: “I have no idea.”

Of course I spent the rest of the day craving some tasty cheese cake.

Moment 4:
If you don’t know me, let me summarize my personality for you as briefly as possible. Sarcasm is my personal dogma. I was also raised in a staunch Norwegian household where not only was crying an unacceptable form of communication, but expressing emotions of any sort was highly frowned upon. In fact, it was a sign of weakness. Needless to say, I’m not the teacher that students run to with their little teenage drama episodes. My fourth period class even had a conversation about my lack of touchy-feeliness. With that in mind, enjoy this next moment.

During a vocab quiz, a student made a bizarre sound like a cross between dry heaving and a hic-up. I looked in her direction looking between her and another student inquiring what the noise was and who made it.

Student 1: “I hic-uped.”
Student 2: “Don’t judge. We all hic-up.”
Havig: “Not like that.”
Student 2: “Oh, harsh.”
Student 1: “Way to be a supportive teacher.”
Havig (with a sigh): “We’ve gone over this.”

Moment 5:
My 4th period class was out of control on a Friday a few weeks ago after we had an assembly. They were all fired up and couldn’t really control themselves. After showing them my great annoyance with their behavior, they tried to convince me that they weren’t annoying, just really spirited. They were trying to claim that they made my day more interesting.
One student who I had as a freshman last year tried to make her point.

Student: “Remember how last year you would tell a joke, and no one laughed except for me?”
Havig (skeptically): “Right.”
Student: “Well, isn’t this much better? Everyone laughs at you. (awkward pause as she realizes what she said.) Not like that.”

Ahh, in the immortal words of Bill Cosby, kids say the darndest things.